Welcome to this ultimate handbook of suicide for beginners.If you are contemplating suicide,but do not have any successful veterans to seek advice from,for obvious reasons,you have come to the right place.
This chapter is all about the confusion and indecision- to die or not to die.Also,it's a pun that reflects upon the indecision to do it today or not today(try a really flamboyant accent).You will get all the guidance for the first timers,plus my personal experience,that is sure to come in handy.These are all hunches and guesses though,but this is the best I could do.
First of all,I'll suggest you not to kill yourself because life is such a beautiful gift....blah blah..... but its your life and you have the right to decide.Alright then,moving on!
Lets safely assume that you are not too sure about this.You have a lot at hand,you're depressed,and you picture killing yourself a lot,every day!Well this means,that you have some reasons to die,but bump into positives every now and then,and stop yourself.Don't worry.We have a perfect solution for such situations,we have the pussy's approach!
The Pussy's Approach
This methodology is based on the premise of indecision.Because you already have no solid ground to kill yourself,you should bank on your cowardice.Take a blade in your right hand,think hard of all the injustice you've gone through,all the pains you have taken and slit the artery on your left hand.
In all possibilities you'll chicken out because you're scared.But this will give you a first hand experience and you'll acclimate to the suicidal environment.Its a good start if you manage to inflict a little cut and cry yourself to sleep later.
I'm not sure who invented this.For all we know,that wimp is probably still alive.
Stay tuned.Happy dying! :)
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